Every room I walk into these days, each time I look in the mirror, even when I’m out working in the yard, they’re waiting for me. 

Salacious, pointless, yet unavoidable. Clickbait has stepped over from the digital realm into the realm known as IRL. 

It’s probably because of the pandemic, right? Too much time at home, too much time online, or maybe a combination of both? I dunno. But I figured I’d share the headlines to some of the articles from my own life, articles that are largely devoid of meaningful content and exist only to get your attention.

1. Four Things That Make Ethan’s Downstairs Bathroom the Cleanest Room In the House (and 38 More That Prove It’s Not)

2. Check Out This One Weird Trick For Making Ethan Extra Gassy, Even Though He Knows Better

3. Ethan Thought It Was Still Edible After Several Days In the Sun. Doctors Said It Wasn’t. You Won’t Believe What It Was.

4. Remember What Ethan Looked Like Before Quarantine? You Won’t Believe What He Looks Like Now. (Actually, You Will, but We Couldn’t Resist Showing You the Mess Anyway.)

5. Ethan Decided To See If a Cat Could Fly. What Happened Next Will Make You Realize His Wife Is a Better Person Than Him.

6. One Simple Step for Adding Belly Fat With Ice Cream Sandwiches

7. Oprah and Brad Pitt Use It Every Day. So Do Elon Musk and Betty White. Ethan’s Never Heard Of It. You’ll Cringe When You Find Out What It Is.

8. Women, the Elderly, Small Children, and Most Men Hate Ethan Because of This One Simple Life Hack That Involves Not Showering At All Ever. 

9. Twenty-Five Pictures of Ethan That Will Make You Grateful To Be Alive In the Age of Face Masks

10. You’ll Die of Embarrassment When You Find Out What Ethan Thought Was Flushable