CARE: Correspondences for American Resistance and Endurance

“Don’t you think you’re sort of making yourself a target by writing this stuff?”

I was asked that by someone, inquiring about my posting these CARE Packages. I hadn’t really thought about it, and I said, “I don’t know. I mean, maybe. It’s not my intent, but I see how that could be the case.”

Honestly, I’m small fish, right? In terms of ugly witch-hunts and people in power going after those who defy them, I barely make a blip on the radar. Like, not much more than a mosquito, really.

But I’ve been thinking more about this idea of making myself a target. I don’t think I am, but what I’ve realized is this: if I am, I don’t care. And here’s why.

I was talking a few days back with someone I love and care about very much. They’d made an appointment for a haircut, and they were struggling. 

“I really want my hair cut like this,” they said, pointing to a picture. “I think its an amazing cut. But I also know that getting my hair done that way is going to put a target on my back. People who don’t agree with my lifestyle could come after me, and I don’t want that.”

This broke my heart. 

To hear someone so young say such a thing, and to know that the likelihood of such a thing — being targeted physically and verbally because of a haircut — is very real. It made my blood run cold.

“You need to do what makes you feel the best about you,” I said. “If that means getting the haircut, that’s cool. If that means getting a different haircut, that’s ok too. I get that it’s not ideal, but you need to do what makes you feel as much of a balance between happy and safe as possible.”

They ended up getting a modified version of the haircut they wanted. And it looks really good. I could tell there was a degree of disappointment when they were done, but they made the choice that worked for them at that time. The nice thing about hair is that you can pretty much do whatever with it whenever you want. 

Other traits that make good people targets of bad people aren’t so easy to modify.

And thinking about that made me realize something. I don’t really give a damn if what I’m doing here makes me a target. Why should I get an easy pass when others who I love and care for have no choice but to wear targets every day? What makes me so special that I shouldn’t have to deal with internet trolls or face-to-face harassment for sharing my thoughts? 

And after watching the piss-poor performance from 10 U.S. Representatives who are more concerned about keeping up appearances than supporting someone like Rep. Al Green, who had the courage to stand up to tyranny Tuesday night, I know for a fact that I’d rather be with the guy who got censured than with those doing the censuring. I’m more interested in making people clutch pearls than in clutching them myself, I guess.

Am I making myself a target? No. At least I’m not going out of my way to do it. Am I concerned that maybe I’m a target? A little, but I’m more concerned about those who have no choice in the matter. 

So I’ll keep doing this as long as I’ve got the energy.

MUSIC: Sinking Like a Sunset by Tom Cochrane
No, I am not a rock
And I can feel it now
But for a moment
I’d like to forget
That my heart is
Sinking like a sunset

POETRY: Facing US by Amanda Johnston
My black face fades,
hiding inside black smoke.
I knew they’d use it,
dammit: tear gas.
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QUOTE: “I want to show people that they don’t have to be scared of being different.” – Jazz Jennings