CARE: Correspondences for American Resistance and Endurance

A couple of you have asked for a health update, so I’ll start with that today.

If you don’t know, I’ve been sick since July 2024. It’s undiagnosed and could be anything from long Covid to some sort of autoimmune disease to “it’s all in your head.” I don’t think it’s in my head, and neither does my doctor or my counselor.

A diagnosis like that says more about the person giving it than it does about me, I think. 

Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling fairly wobbly and tired. I have what I’ve taken to calling “spaghetti legs.” The way they feel suggests they could just sort of bend like cooked spaghetti and collapse in a pile on the floor. I also weighed myself for the first time in a few days, and I’m now down 50 pounds from where I was this summer.

My energy is still pretty much crap. Most nights I’m in bed between 5:45 and 6:00, and I sleep til 5:00 or 5:30 the next morning. I like to get to work about 45 minutes to an hour early to get a jump on things and be ready for my students’ arrival, but lately I’ve only managed about 20-30 minutes early. 

My appetite hasn’t changed a whole lot over the past few weeks. Still no interest in the things I once loved like coffee, pizza, donuts, and other wonderful delicacies. Going to restaurants isn’t the fun activity that it once was. I’m still leaning on texture as the thing that makes me enjoy eating. 

Driving isn’t something I particularly enjoy anymore. I mean, I enjoy it when I’m up for it, but it can also tire me out pretty quickly. For the first time in my driving life, I’m as apt to ask someone else to drive as I am to drive myself. 

All that said, I’m getting by. I’m reading a lot more and exploring new music. And as I type this, I’m waiting for one of my kids to come pick me up to go out for lunch and whatever else we find to do. I’m on break this week, and I’m not going to let whatever this is prevent me from spending time with them.

I have an appointment with a neurologist coming up in early April. I don’t know that anything will come of it. I have my doubts, based on the various appointments and tests I’ve had over the past seven months. I’m preparing for that, but I don’t know how I’ll react if I wind up with just another dead end. 

Guess we’ll see.

MUSIC: Cocaine & Abel by Amigo the Devil

But I was born impatient
And I was born unkind
But I refuse to believe I have to be
The same person I was born when I die
‘Cause change is alright
Change is alright

POETRY: The Land of Counterpane by Robert Louis Stevenson
When I was sick and lay a-bed,
I had two pillows at my head,
And all my toys beside me lay
To keep me happy all the day.
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QUOTE: There is an alchemy in sorrow. It can be transmuted into wisdom, which, if it does not bring joy, can yet bring happiness.” – Pearl S. Buck

RESIST!: #teslatakedown