6.29.24

Today my heart is big and sore
It’s tryin’ to push right through my skin

I had a couple songs in mind for tonight, but decided I’ll hold off on those. They’re both Band-Aids I’d rather not peel off tonight.

Instead, I’ll go with a different Band-Aid that’s already fallen off.

I wrote earlier in the week about my late grandfather’s passing five years ago yesterday. I’m not one to revisit a well too soon, but I guess that’s where I’m at tonight.

I really miss him.

The talks in the pickup truck. Building fence together. Him setting me straight on things without making me feel bad about myself. Eating summer breakfasts with him and Grandma.

Shaking my hand and smiling the warmest smile after meeting his baby great-grandson. Tossing me at 2 or 3 atop a Holstein, holding me carefully as he walked along beside us. Rolling his eyes because Grandma reminded him to do something he was already going to do anyways.

Milking cows together. Stacking hay together. Shoveling cow shit together. Shoveling snow together. Shoveling sawdust together.

Wondering what the hell that music was I was listening to. Trying to understand who Optimus Prime was and why his oldest grandchild was so concerned about something called a Megatron. Hoping the utter weirdness of that kid wouldn’t trip him up in life.

Rolling him over. Cleaning him up. Changing his sheets. Adjusting his pillows.

Holding his hand. Kissing his forehead. Covering him up.

Saying goodbye.